While we attempt to figure out how this whole InterWebTM thingie works, you can:
That way the Useless News THAT YOU NEED can be accessed at any time or sent to your email or crackberry!
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -- W. C. Fields

Useless Factoid:
The
Internet Quality Task Force has reported that the worst internet connections are found at
Your House.
EXTRA SLEAZY
by the Parents Website Advisory Board
c2008 Useless.com
Famous Cop Statue Stolen Right Off the Street [People will steal anything, even if it is nailed down]
Cop Who "Discovered" Fake-ass Bigfoot Will Soon be an Ex-cop [The truth is out there]
Granny Busts Would-be Burglar [Go ahead sonny, make my day]
Bodybuilding Firefighter Argues That He's 'Disabled'. [Dept. of scamming the system]
GPS-equipped Turtle Locates DC Pot Stash [But can it find me a parking space downtown?]
Microsoft Wants You to Advertise "Duck Porn" on its Sites [Can't wait to see what PETA thinks of that]
Court Rules "Boobs on Bikes" Parade Not Offensive [The real boobs are the ones trying to ban it]
Hit-and-Run Suspect Tracked by a Trail of Pasta [Dept of stupid criminals]
Weekend at Bernies, Spanish Edition [He was the biggest sitff at the party]
Russians Still Looking to Start W W III. Ukraine is Next [Don't feed or molest the bears]
Mexican Church Says Miniskirts Equal Prostitution [Bet they really like their choirboys]
Islam, the religion of peace [Religion is the opiate of the masses]
US Govt. Tells Samsung It's New Washing Machines Must be Approved "As Pesticide"! [Nanotechnology meets the bureaucracy]
Shatner Will Say Almost Anything on Camera -- for $150 [Beam up my toupee, Scotty]
Baseball Group Gives Pedophile an Award, Then Wants it Back [Dept. of Closing the Barn Door After the Horse Has Left]
Aussie Mayor: Ugly, lonely women should move here. We'll put a smile on their faces. [Isn't that the whole premise of "Men in Trees"?]
Malaysian Govt: Avril is "too sexy for us". Concert cancelled. [I'm too sexy for my Burqa]
Damien Hirst Plans to Stop Producing So Much Crappy Art [There is a reason he was named DAMIEN]
Evangelicals Upset Over China Bible Flap [I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I have my plastic Jesus]
The Oldest Person on Facebook? [She may be 102 but she's still got lots of "friends"]